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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968897">double sided</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/verucaa/pseuds/verucaa'>verucaa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Minecraft diaries - Fandom, aphmau - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, F/F, F/M, Hallucinations, Minecraft Diaries - Aphmau, Minecraft MyStreet - Aphmau, MyStreet Phoenix Drop High - Aphmau, Self-Indulgent, basically it's mystreet aphmau but she has hallucinations, chapter two is the same thing but its mcd aphmau hallucinating mystreet, it's weird - Freeform, kinda??, she sees people as the mcd versions of themselves for a lil bit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:13:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968897</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/verucaa/pseuds/verucaa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>aphmau has been having hallucinations of a far-away land since she was young. sometimes, they scare her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aphmau/Aaron Lycan, Aphmau/Katelyn (if you squint)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. makeup is running down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>sometimes aphmau thinks she's going mad. since she was young, she'd had hallucinations. not big ones, just little glances. they were usually weird. suddenly the area she was in would switch into different settings, her clothes would be replaced and other people would... change. </p><p>she'd had one on her first day at school. she met a boy, his name was travis. they were not-alone-buddies! but, as aphmau glanced over to him in their homeroom, she didn't see bright virescent eyes and tanned skin. she saw dark, purple eyes gazing at her. his arms were grey and hands covered in fluffy gloves one would wear in wintertime. snow fell in her vision. she snapped out of it when she saw fingers click in front of her eyes. they laughed and carried on with the day. aphmau only felt a little scared.</p><p>aphmau thought katelyn was cool. that's why aphmau always watched her play her volleyball matches. while attending one with a smile on her face, aphmau cheered as katelyn won the game. as the bell rang and katelyn made her way over to aphmau, the scene changed. light glistened off silver-blue armour and orange gauntlets wrapped around her tightened fists. her facial expression changed into a loving one of awe. then, she was back in her volleyball kit. aphmau blushed. she wanted the armour back.</p><p>kawaii-chan and dante were flirting in front of her again. aphmau thought it was sickeningly cute, but she didn't want one of her best friends to be taken by a womanizer. she stumbles a bit when they change - rusted armour and medieval dresses - with hands clasped together. they're much older and aphmau catches sight of light blue hair and white meif'wa ears before she falls back. aphmau can't help but be sad when they finally break up for good.</p><p>lucinda was gorgeous and knew it. aphmau loved her for that, she was so fun to be around and so confident. they were walking to lucinda's witch class when aphmau realised she wasn't in the school anymore. she spun around to lucinda. she was old. like, her 'mother's age' old. her dress was white and beautiful, a staff in her hand. a pointed witch's hat perched on her head. aphmau tripped when everything went back to normal. lucinda had never looked so young.</p><p>ivy scared aphmau. she scared her, even more, when she hallucinated.</p><p>gene, zenix and sasha were mean to her at school but she had a feeling they were scarier in her brain's made-up world; especially when she saw them with blood-red swords and cold, dead eyes. she avoided them as much as possible and hoped she never saw them like that again. she didn't expect laurence and vylad to look exactly the same. </p><p>she had made it through falcon claw university without any hallucinations. </p><p>one of her first hallucinations as an adult was in love-love paradise. aphmau had thought she was completely over them before she saw garroth - smiling, dumb but charming garroth in swim trunks - with untidy hair and bright eyes, sword swinging in one hand as he beamed affectionately at her. his guard uniform reflected the sunlight and aphmau were blinded by it. aphmau stared at the man across from her and scoffed. he could never be that brave.</p><p>she liked owning the maid cafe. but, embarrassingly, she had fallen over with a tray of mugs. few smashed on the ground. zane rushed over to her and put out his hand to her, ready to pull her up. she reached out for it, but his giggles changed into a manic laugh and he held a sword above her. he was ready to swing at her, glaring down as though she had ruined his whole life. she scrambled back away from him. zane looked hurt and aphmau couldn't tell him why she didn't look him in the eye for the rest of the day.</p><p>they were in the kitchen, dancing to the music that twinkled in the background. aphmau loved aaron, especially in times like this when everything was so simple. aaron leant in to kiss her and suddenly she was in bed, watching aaron walk out the door and apologise. an explosion sounded. pain ripped through her chest. she could hear a child crying. she tore away from aaron and stared at him. and fainted. when she woke up in bed and aaron wasn't there, she cried.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. feelings are all around</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the lord of phoenix drop can't stop having hallucinations.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>aphmau. the lord of phoenix drop. she can't remember her childhood. she has no idea whether she's experienced these illusions her whole life or they've only started recently. they were small. simple. they confused her. aphmau wasn't sure she liked them. she didn't like the settings she'd end up in. </p><p>once, she was helping travis on enki island. he was being forced to use his demon form to read his book that didn't allow him to in his human form. travis had tried to apologise about it but aphmau told him he didn't have to. it wasn't his fault he was like that. abruptly, the view turned to light. and warm. very different from the actual surroundings of the snowy environment of the island. her armour had turned soft and silky. her legs were bare. looking up, she saw travis. in his usual human form. green eyes and tanned skin. he was wearing a blue blazer and he was... really short. aphmau opened her mouth to speak but suddenly found herself back in front of a taller travis with grey skin and purple eyes. she shook her head. weird.</p><p>katelyn had protected aphmau plenty of times. she was a warrior, willing to put her life on the line to save other people from danger. aphmau respected her. aphmau waved at her from the beach, watching katelyn walk from the forest. her gauntlets were out and aphmau assumed she had been fighting something. possibly an imp from the demon warlock. katelyn noticed her and began to make her way over. aphmau felt dizzy and everything changed. katelyn wore a little white top with a logo and... phoenix drop high? like her town? then, the hardened wood shifted back into the sand. </p><p>dante and kawaii-chan were adorable. aphmau, as creepy as it sounded, liked watching them be all cute with each other. she hoped she could find a relationship like that. the two seemed so happy and content with each other. nekoette sat beside them, eating an apple. aphmau often yearned that she could've been there to see their relationship blossom into the one she saw today. she glanced away for a second - and when she looked back - they were young. younger than they were when she left them. aphmau wished she could've stayed and witnessed what she missed.</p><p>"lucy," aphmau called to lucinda, running towards her. lucinda turned and smiled at her. aphmau straightened her hat. the two giggled lightly to each other. aphmau opened her mouth to speak again and, suddenly, she went unstable - her legs buckling - and lucinda transformed. in her world, lucinda was forty-five. older than herself, even. but in this world. in her hallucinations, lucinda was barely older than her. she was so childlike and gorgeous. her giggles were adorable. as everything went back to normal, lucinda had never looked older.</p><p>fighting ivy, aphmau was terrified. for herself. for garroth. she found that - in her head - ivy was less scary. a mean girl from school. it gave her the strength she needed to fight back.</p><p>the shadow knights scared her. they just did. they were from literal <em>hell</em>. aphmau was ashamed to admit that even laurance and vylad made her uneasy when they changed into their shadow knight forms. she didn't expect, when she saw them all together, to see them in a green area, hidden in trees. gene and sasha were smoking. zenix sat reading some sort of book with a lot of pictures. laurance and vylad were laughing at each other. they looked so peaceful. so... innocent. aphmau wished they could stay like that in her world.</p><p>she was fighting. garroth was next to her. they worked together quite well and always had, ever since she first came to phoenix drop. he swung his sword and her vision went blurry. when she glanced back; garroth was wearing nothing but shorts. he was eating something. he was smiling quite wildly at the people sitting around them. the sun in their setting was blinding. when she came back, she had fallen onto her back. garroth was leaning over her and asking profusely if she was safe and well. aphmau felt bile rise in her throat. he looked so tired in front of her.</p><p>zane. aphmau hated him. <em>despised</em> him. he ruined the lives of their entire village. when he was above her, holding a sword to her throat, aphmau begged the scene not to change. she couldn't lose focus. still, she felt like she was passing out and the armour wrapped around her body changed into a maid dress. something like kawaii-chan would wear. zane was still above her but - this time - he was smiling. giving her a hand. giggling and calling her dumb. she took his hand, softly. aphmau could've cried when it changed and someone was throwing zane from her body, thrusting their sword against his. she had felt so safe.</p><p>aaron was dead. he was dead. she was crying; sobbing; screaming. aphmau felt her body begin to switch. it felt like flying. aaron was there and he was holding her while music played. she lent into his chest to hear his heartbeat. she let out a sob. when aphmau changed back, she cursed her brain for teasing her like this.</p>
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